Fading sun

20100805

It was shining, it was so bright

I saw it, I felt it.

It was warm and inviting

Reassuring and comfortable.

I thought it could be true…

I thought it would be you…

Yet again like always and ever.

I could see the outcome

I could see the end before the beginning

I knew it was not mine for the taking

I knew it was not mine for the making

I knew the pain that would be the outcome.

I knew it was yet another lure.

Another handful of dust to bite.

Either way, I made no battle.

But there was war all around me

Battles raging here and there

I turned away.

Cruel move that bites through me

Every single second

of every moment.

Now that the sun is gone,

and the cold is back

I stare at the blank walls

in the middle of my sleepless nights.

wondering at the reasons behind it all

Reason I know and cannot share.

I've escaped a war I did not want to fight.

took to the trail and returned to my cave.

Tis a curse from the land

that line I shall never cross

that cross I shall never line up

Dry your tears little girl

For now you know.

That the lure was I.

And the fog that lost you

Was all because of me.

Dry your tears little girl

Through deceit you hath learnt

I really am not worth the flog, nor the fog.

And the feelings you’ve unlocked, should not be locked again.

Dry your tears little girl

and see the sun again

For its warmth is life

For life is yours to live,

Dry your tears harley girl

Time will heal

However hard it seems right now

Time always heals

In one way or another

Believe it will

Believe in you.

Dry your tears harley Bride

For what you felt was true and pure

And there is no shame in that

Dry tears little girl

and let time take its toll

and soon enough

I will be just an echo in your mind

The afterthought of a bad souvenir

another name on the wall,

Whisper in your ear.

Take heed

And never let that burning sun in your heart fade

Carpe Diem

Memento mori

Fading Sun

It was shining,
it was so bright
I saw it, I felt it.
It was warm and inviting
Reassuring and comfortable.
I thought it could be true…
I thought it would be you…

Yet again like always and ever.
I could see the outcome
I could see the end before the beginning
I knew it was not mine for the taking
I knew it was not mine for the making
I knew the pain that would be the outcome.
I knew it was yet another lure.
Another handful of dust to bite.

Either way, I made no battle.
But there was war all around me
Battles raging here and there

I turned away.
Cruel move that bites through me
Every single secondof every moment.

Now that the sun is gone,
and the cold is back
I stare at the blank walls
in the middle of my sleepless nights
wondering at the reasons behind it all
Reason I know and cannot share.

I've escaped a war I did not want to fight.
took to the trail and returned to my cave.
Tis a curse from the land
that line I shall never cross
that cross I shall never line up

Dry your tears little girl
For now you know.
That the lure was I.
And the fog that lost you
Was all because of me.

Dry your tears little girl
Through deceit you hath learnt
I really am not worth your pain.
And the feelings you’ve unlocked,
should not be locked again.

Dry your tears little girl
and see the sun again
For its warmth is life
For life is yours to live,

Dry your tears harley girl
Time will heal
However hard it seems right now
Time always heals
In one way or another
Believe it will
Believe in you.

Dry your tears harley Bride
For what you felt was true and pure
And there is no shame in that

Dry tears little girl
and let time take it toll
and soon enough
I will be just an echo in your mind
The afterthought of a bad souvenir
another name on the wall.

Take heed
And never let that burning sun in your heart
fade or die.

Carpe Diem
Memento mori

Changes to Nought

Things are changing,
They are not the way they were before.
They never are and never will.
People are getting laid off,
others crossing the line of no return.

We find new ways to occupy ourselves,
new toys, new sources of entertainment.
The Fundamental questions remain but we ignore them.
Who needs them anyway?

We invent new studies
We send great musicians to play million dollar instruments
in crowded subways,
and measure the degree to which people couldn't care less.
Clever. But who cares?

The lessons we teach are obsolete,
from the moment we learn them.
We should learn to turn our minds, tune our thoughts
Count the stars and feel the seconds pass by.

Life is a race lost in advance. Why hurry?
We should learn to let go,
Kill the romance and drown the dreams.
We should learn to wake up and rise,
or,
rather rise and wake up.
I could do away with it all,
bet my life on a game of toss
and loose it all
and weep for a day
and wake up the next
to walk lighter and do away.
Take and deep breath and walk away.

memento mori

way to go

Its a long day, its a long way, and there's light, somewhere,
at the bottom of my pack, a head torch maybe, but I cannot be bothered to look for it.
So for the moment, darkness will do, my doubts about where I'm heading will lead me on.

Its a long way, its along the way,
maybe another day, delay Bleu Bay.
Plans never make out,
and people tell lies.
So the at the end of the day, it is all about how long will the lies hold.

Slipping away

It all works out.
That there is a beginning to the end
and no story is ever written in vain.
Sheathed knives, twisted for knaves,
Only fools would not understand.
My hands were tied but notmy mind
and the lump in my head
will not make me fly tomorrow.
But It will not take me down
for the ground is too cold to lie
Six feet is not mine yet.

It all has a sense.
senseless chain of events
silent killers, friends underneath it all.
Six feet from the light,
the venom is spread and the word is out.
Who will listen, who will hear.
here is where invisible lines are drawn.

I see the ships leaving shore
wind behind the sails
slipping away to the horizon.
Nothing is the same
nothing ever is.
Promisses never made cannot be broken
Oaths not taken are not binding, blinding.
never defining, the rules of engagement.
There is no story, so don't worry, not be sorry.
but take a look at the land
for the moment is gone
even before it ever happened.
In the end
it was all a rite of passage
a flirt, a stoten minute
frozen in a fool's garden
it all was the same, eternal game
played by the same pawns
themselves subjet to a greater cycle.
Memento mori, memento mori
I see it all fading away
for I still am to learn
to hold the gates to the flood.
to swim against a tide
and to take that dive
and never walk back.

20090615 - words

It is ultimately the way that things goes.
There is a begining
and then, an end.
What really matters
is the time in between.
No comprmise
no sarcasm
Just seconds, ticking away
in their eternal haste.

Doors that you wish would remain open
always find a way of closing
and words written in haste
leave a neverlasting aftertaste,
Thrown about, always such a waste.

Is it the begining of the end
or an end to a beginning?
Time will tell.
But time also tells tales
that have reasons and lessons of their own
and listen to the voice of noone.

Emotions in the flow
They never last
for once you go
they belong to the past.

There is no reason to hold on
there has never been
and never will be.
The hands of time
takes their toll.
and memories fade
and hearts that fonder
mumble and stumble
and fall humble and silent
for the nights last
and the cold comes.

there is no sleep
there is no rest
there is no peace
there is no feast
until the day
The tides recede
and the sun shine again.

The Wolf and the Lycan

There is a weird story,
one of a Lycan and a Wolf.
It is yet to be known
why the Lycan tracked down and hunted the Wolf
For Lycans are known to be selective hunters,
And wolves lonesome warriors

But the Bitch was skilled and bit
and the Wolf defended,
It was a battle of witt,
lost in advance,
for Lycan's skills and fangs
were superior
and caught the battleweary Wolf offguard

Fangs and claws
Kicks and rants
ecapes and evasion.
tactics left to the underworld.
She was stronger and soon limits were overcome
and walls were brough down.

Boundaries that should not have been
were crossed
and gates to the tides were opened
and there was no turning back.

Life took its toll
and there are stories, untold
for the hurt they convey
built bridges, not to be crossed
pathways that are to be forgotten

The battle lasted and lasted
deep into the night
And when Dawn was about,
the Wolf was down
and Lycan knew
the prey was hers for the smitting...

Staring into the fury of moment
She walked away...

So today there live many a tale
Of a Wolf that roams the plains
Like a ghost to the moon
it leaves no shadows...
for, if you look close enough
you will see,
that somewhere under the fur,
the Lycan bit...

20090509 Darwin, NT Walking alone

As I walk accross this city,
It dawns upon me
That the light that once shone
has died,
and the spark that once started it all,
is gone,
left to wither and die
in a heart surrounded by stone walls

10,000 miles I have travelled
to find that you walk alone.
That you need no one,
and that the promisse you made
will never be met.

The closer I get the further we are
Its not you its me
I was forewarned and paid no heed.

There is no wind in Darwin today
and the kites will not fly
Glass windows and ice cubes
Fortified and defended,
Lest there should be a tiny space to enter.
There is no wind today
and the kites will not fly
So I take a ride in solo, so low,
and I bow, take the blow
But all is fine,
and all is always good.
its a paradigm here
and you walk alone
for you don't need me
you don't want me

And I wonder, wandering thoughts
Where did it all go?
all the emotions and the love?
all the hopes and promisses...

It was yet again a game
one that I still fail to grasp
for at the end I am the one
left standing.

Carpe Diem, memento mori
But it all comes back to me.

for I am and remain
the pebble in the shoe

...
I wake up every morning
to a broken dream
and a broken staff
for I was wrong to believe
I was wrong all along

It was yet another truce

On the Bridges

200904011942 Base Floreal

The crossing of bridges.
What a painful though
for every time we cross a bridge
there is no turning back
every time we take a breath
the moment is gone.

Yet I though I could change the tide
I though I could save the ride
but life as ever takes a toll
so the lesson I draw
once and again
is that however good a swimmer I may be
the tide will always catch up with me.

But I will not give up
I'll drown swimming
I'll keep trying.
I shall fail when I die

Clouded

200903311924

Clouds have gathered overhead
as was to be expected.
Finding oneself is a hard task
for we are always growing
to be someone else
someone different.

And to do that we need to be alone
we set out on a path we say is for us alone
but it is not really true.

understanding is a luxury given to a select few
I wish I were not amongst them.

What do you say to someone who wants to break lose?
What do you do when you are the chain yourself?
Nothing.
You watch it go, fly away, to the other skies it belongs.
Hoping that maybe one day the winds will change,
and you are no longer a leaded chain.
and wish them luck and wind under their feathers.
Wishing you were the feather instead.

And then you know that time will smoothen the rough edges
and maybe ease the hurt.
But you also know that it never cures but takes away yet another part of the soul.

Memento Mori

20090215

C'mmon lets dance
lets take a stroll and whisper to the wind
Secrets stories locked to the moment.
Silent prayers to time endless.

I've woken up to the stars
too many a time not know how to read 'em right
I've kept awake to the rising dawn
too many a night not to know
that the new day brings more doubt than reason
that sometimes fear is worse than death itself
that there is no way of keeping both at bay,
But your will to see forward
and your determination to keep pushing,
then when reason itself would have taken a toll.

Yet even these I've seen broken
not at the peak of the storm
but at the crossing of bridges.
at the making of truce.

So C'mmon lets take a ride
for it is not forbidden to dream today,
For tomorrow is not yet given to us.
for we are but pawns in our own game
for our very dream in the making
could be the end in the taking.

So c'mmon lets Run
for tomorow I shall bear no grudge
nor cast no curse
for time is an ally and a foe
in our story yet untold...

Waiting

The waiting game has started,
yet another cycle - yet another circle,
Yet another load of powder before the lead

The miles that were nothing at the beginning
are slowly adding up to the load,
and time has begun its toll...

And here I am, helpless spectator yet again.
To the game of mind over time
witt over reality.

Like like a worm on the hook, I'm watching the seconds fade away to the past,
knowledge of the impending heavy on my mind
hope of a new ending clinging to me heart.

What do we learn from the story unfolding
what do we do to change the course of things
How do we fight a retreating tide...
How do we learn from yesterday,
the lessons of tomorrow?

I have found myself the last one standing
too many a times to look forward
to be left behind picking up the pieces
Making do with a handful of unburnt powder.

Another cycle, another story, another day...

Mirrors

Sometimes the messages they send
are confusing and misleading.

Sometimes the words I read
make no sense,

Sometimes, it makes no difference
No matter how hard you fight
You get caught in the current
and be swept away.

And I remember them

I saw them come back
saw the glory in their eyes
Heard the hope in their voices,
Only to see them fall
so close to home
Backstabbed on their doorsteps.

I've been one 'em
Strolled into their every step
and faced their fury and courage
Seen them risk all and all
over and again
Yet never flag nor fail
nor breath word about their pains.

I've seen them hold tight
when the storm was at its peak
When all about them
Were running for shelter

I've seen them hold ground
When retreat was the only option
I've heard their cries
and felt their confidence grow in me
Then when all we had to do was give up...

I've seen them smile through thickening fogs
Laugh at the roaring swells
and dive into haloes.
And treat death as an ever lasting joke.

Yet who would have though
that your greatest enemy
lies within your shadow
tailing you and waiting
for that single second of opportunity
to strike and kill.

strider

When the hurt is gone
and the crying done

when your tears have dried
and your resilience tried,
I shall go, as usual,
without a sign
without a sound
without a word

For your heart will be turned else
and the road is where i'll always belong.

It was told that I would stroll on
and never stop
until I reach the end of my journey
but my journey has no end, nor beginning
So I stroll on.

The end that I have seen
strayed far beyond, I have
so that the only memories in my mind
are that of the January rains
That the only sounds in my ears
are your soft whispers in the dead of the night.

I've made mistakes
over and over
and now is the time for the reaping.
I'll take the bullet
I'll take the wind
And I shall never complain.
So that the moment I'm gone
I'll be forgotten, without a doubt.

I've turned out
to be the Wolf
that scared me so.
Yet I've never shed blood
I've never slain

Where's the wisdom in that?

jan ripples

You only know the worth of what you've had
when you have lost it.
You only live every second's breath worth of life
When you are drawing close to the end.

I've seen them all come
smile and wave goodbye
I've seen them all land,
conquer and leave.
Without a word
Lest a clue
as to who they were...

To hell with their empty promisses
Hollow words and furtive smiles
they were fake and lost
even before they were thought of.
They were bait and lure
even before I were born.

And now today they flock and await
like maggots to rotting meat
now that I am down to my last breath
I see them raise their swords...

But nay I shall not perish
onto their hands
buth rather to my own sword
I shall do justice.

I should have jumped long ago
I should have known...
That this moment would come.
There can be no escape.

crows and crowd

in reply to junean: http://junean.blogspot.com/2006/12/looking-into-your-eyes.html

... then suddenly the crowd turned to crows,
and the crows to shadows

Yet you chose not to see me
and I walked on
admist the gaze of the crows
but your thoughts were burning right though my mind
and i was nobody
you could ever come close to understand...

And your eyes were looking for me
Black on black
crows on crowds
crossbows and arrows...

I was nobody
until your gaze met mine.
That little voice in you
sent oceans in fury
gales and untamed winds hurling...
and into the turmoil you fought
and thought I saw no difference...
but nay you were right...

Admist a crowd of crows
I was nobody you chose to see
so that now the game you played
has turned into a life I lead.

I saw 'em

2 weeks ago. I was standing up the Old Ruins Chimney, dressed up as santa and sweating myself out in the heavy outfit. The view was beautiful. Below the kids were having their party, unaware of me on top. the program was late. The kids over excited and the staff over worked!
I still had 10 min to kill and was looking around, takin in the view. That's when I saw them. 5 little kids peeping in from over the high walls, dressed in rags and envious of all the goodies being served to the kids on my side of the wall.

I wondered where they came from and quickly saw the squatters houses behind the walls, hidden into the trees. Sheeted iron from oil drums, sticks and nails ingeneously patched up to give shelter temporarily - a very long temporary it seemed.

My eyes caught one of the smallest of them. He looked at me and got a shock: Santa on the roof! The others saw him and folled his gaze and got into their own shock! I could see one of them gulp. I waved. they waved.

One of the security guys saw me wave and wondered who I was waving for. He saw them. Rushed to them and shooed them off. They did not pay to see santa. He looked at me and I could read his mind: Do what you are paid for and do it for those who paid you!

The little one looked at me. How could santa come down only for those behind the wall. Why did they never see santa? Why were the gifts always to someone else?

Story of a man

The story of a man
on the morning of a war,
Will you wait for me,
be she never knew how,
Will you wait for me,
but she never knew why,

And all the battles won,
now lost without a cause,
and all the battles won,
kill him more in every way,
Now that today he walks still.

The sorry of the man
on the morning of his war
The sorry of a man
on the mourning of his star
will you wait for me
but she she never knew when
Will you wait for me
but she never knew, then
that a lie could tear through flesh
more than burning lead.

And all the scars that he took
kill him more everyday
and all the deaths that he saw
Keeps him in all the trenches
that he never left.
burried under the corpse
of those he never killed.

Will you come to talk to me
but she never made it
Will you come to talk to me

lost in his trenches,
she turned cold then away
so that he is now left on his battlefield
on the morning of his war
on the mourning of his scars...

But was it all a game
played in the hands of unaware pawns
was it all part of the same eternal cycle
that turn trees to stones
stones to deserts
and deserts to crowds?

The story of a man
on the mourning of his war
fought with will of an eagle
killed with a dart
of his own making.

Was it all a lie
told by knaves
twisted by fools?
Was it all a game, insane?
made by the folly of the flow?

The story of a man
on the morning of his life.
The story of his life.

Maybe

Maybe they sold me dreams not made for my mind
maybe it never was meant to be
maybe it was for tomorrow
and i was not ready for the blast.

maybe the son of a gun never died
and maybe the lies I sold can be bought back somehow
maybe the spells they cast can be reversed

maybe the swells I breed can be cured
and maybe the burns I've caused can be lured

Maybe its a way for a better tommorow
and maybe someone will show me, one day, one way to tread upon.

I've been sitting at the crossroads for years now
looking at them all
come and take off
and drop a coin in my can
eager beggar that i am.
rattle can stinker, blinker...

Blind and deaf

Once upon a time...

There was once a time
when we walked the dunes
hand in hand,
heart to heart
never fearing
always daring

There was a time
when I lived
not through my breath
but through your heart
and your quiet whispers
and unhindred smiles

There once was time
when I feared no tomorrow
and felt no sorrow
my heart was light
and my soul yours ever to keep
like a little stone that travelled with me
many a miles to become part of me.

There once was a time
when I felt strong and good
and everday rose to a new shining
even though the curepipe sky was grey clouded
mine was ever as beautiful
as you are to me.

But show that I cared
I never could
for I never learnt how
and I slowly watched
your smiles turn to tears
and your tears to tatters
scars to my heart.
Ever to be broken

Now that you are no longer here
I am but a shadow to the one I used to be.
and everyday rises to see me grey minded.

Where are you
now that I need you
where are you
now that I am bleeding
my heart to numbness
and crying
my eyes to blindness

The strength that I drew
came from the smiles you threw
The passion that I share to the world
came from the whispers you sent my way.

where are you
now that I am dying
everyday a little more
in every way

the further you move
the weaker I am.

What is it?

inspired by Ni
http://coinperdu.blogspot.com/2006/05/all-koz-of-ya.html

What is that you cannot see?
What is it that you dare not see?
What is that you bear?
And that you dare not share?

What is it?
That hath been lain upon you
That has painted a veil upon your eyes?

What is it that sums your life?
But fails to count and counter
Even the slightest of your intentions?
What is it that shines from deep within?
But that you never let out?

What is that pain that you claim
you cannot forget
yet want to find the will to forgive?

What is it
that keeps you running day in and day out
that keeps driving you
against that invisible wall
that you have built for yourself
over and again
until you cannot stand up anymore?

What is it
that makes you want to fly
but that grounds your every dream
every time you muster the might to do so?

What is it that makes you fall
every time you want to stand to?

What is it
but the darker side of your own mind
set free against the fury of your own will?
what is it but your own fear of yourself
set ablaze by the pain of your past?
what is it but your own phobia of loneliness
that haunts you day in and day out?

What it is
that will set you free
but the same
that chains you
to your memories of your past?

What is it
that gives you the energy
to shine and radiate against all odds
but your own beauty?

Who is it
that has the will and power
to change the path of your life
but yourself?

Many a times the answers we seek
we may never find
for the questions we ask
aren’t the right ones!

Yet there is so much to yourself
that you are casting away
Because you cannot muster the guts
To open your eyes and see yourself
As who you are
Rather than who you would like to be!

To Junean

in reply to http://junean.blogspot.com/2006/05/unforgiven-one-can-be-forgiven.html

Never forgiven, but forgotten

If I lay besides you, and told you
Would you listen to my words?
Would you learn to drop your shield
And feel the feelings?
Your feelings?
Those that have been kept inside
So that you wouldn’t see ‘em.


If I lay besides you, and whispered to your ears
Would you let me in
Unlock the doors with no conditions?
And let the whispers
Find a way to your heart?

The words you say
You want to hear
Are those that will drown you
And make you weep dry
Tears of dust that will scorch you face
And burn your trust in no one.
Yet you say you want to hear
Those same.
But your heart is locked
As the doors you have built around yourself.
And inside lay the demons you want to see run.

Now that I lay beside you
Under the wicked sky
I am blinded by the light
That you cannot see
That you cannot see.

Oh little girl unveil your eyes
And see for yourself.
The world is beautiful
If you are willing to open youself to it all

Oh little girl unveil your eyes
And see for yourself
That you are beautiful
If you are willing to see yourself as you are

Oh little girl unveil you eyes
And see for yourself
That you are not alone
If only you are willing to look around you…

Oh little girl unveil your little heart
And see for yourself
That you are not unforgiven
If only you are willing to let yourself be forgiven…

Being lost - reply to junean

in reply to http://junean.blogspot.com/2006/05/crossroad.html

Few years ago in a not so distant past, as I lay there staring at my map feeling sorry for myself, cold, hungry and miserable, I had had to admit, against my ego, that we were lost.We had no clue of where we were but we were there, wherever that was. How could we have strayed for so long? There were no rescues, no one to worry about us. Our map told us a story that none of us had cared to listen to, and now our hearts were pounding beats that none of us cared to ignore. Many a thing happened to us in the middle of that expedition but I learnt many a great lesson that I would never have dreamt of had we not strayed:

Being lost is the most beautiful thing that can happen to us. Life is an adventure and we need to take risks if we want to grow. We need to to step out of our comfort zone, stray beyond our minds...
Unfortunately we are taught always to move towards things that are acceptable, things we might not really believe in. We ride in cars that are meant to stay only on the set roads. Roads set by others. We walk streets that are always well lit so we do not get used to the the dark. And yet the moment we step out of the road, the moment one of their bulbs go off, we are scared because we face the unknown, because we have not been prepared to face that what we know not.

Yet, being lost is the first step towards finding ourselves again, under a new light. Being lost is the beginning of an adventure, the adventure of life. Being in the dark is the first step towards finding light. Straying open our eyes upon a world hidden behind our preconceived senses.

Don’t be scared of the unknown. Don't be scared of being lost. Cherish the moment, the journey, look for it and play with it. Your heart will only grow stronger and your will, more resilent.

Be curious little girl,for the crossroads you face gives choices you cannot fail to see. And now that you are standing in middle of it all, staring at the map that used to be your life, take a chance and go there where you should not, there where you've never dreamt.

People feel lost because they always want to go 'back' to where they were, they want to find the road to the past or to what they know. But if you are not looking towards the road, rather taking every new step as one that leds somewhere, anywhere, then how can you be lost? You are lost only if want to reach some place in time. most people want to reach somewhere bt they don't know where. Travelers lose their way for they always want to go back home. Strayers and adventurers and wanderers are never lost, home is where they stand and the moment is always NOW.

Remember that once you step off the path traced by others there is no going back. If there is one thing that you cannot catch back, its time. Stop looking for your way back it does not exist anymore. Look forward. Look around. Take each breath as a new one and face your fears of the unknown, for everything is unknown only once.

I wish thee
movement in a world of flow
passion, in a world so slow
altitude, when your world goes low
so you rise
above the crows
above the crowd...
Attitude, so you know
how to be, simply you
and how and what to fight.

Carpe Diem, memento mori.

Lost and never found

http://coinperdu.blogspot.com, in reply to

And yet,
The very hands we held unto
Has turned to ashes under my very eyes
The same gaze that we used to share
Has turned cold in my withering nights
And our dreams of having kids
Have made of me a kid with no dreams.

Our dreams of settling down
Has made of me an endless wanderer
With no destination, hesitation, only incantations
For the only soul that ever mattered to me eyes.

Our flight on the fluffy cloud has left me
Featherless in a world of stone,
Fearless, in a world of scorches
Senseless, in a world of prose,
But the thorn of the very rose
I have felt deep under my skin
And the dart that I carry
Is mine to ever to keep

But yet
As every single moment passes us by
We look to the past
To these endless seconds we've missed.
Minute reasons that taught us to fly.
And we think aloud to ourselves
That it was all worth breathing in,
That the beating we took
was worth every blow of the fight,
And the songs we sang
Had every word’s worth of gold.

So now that we are grounded
Sole glued to the dirt
Soul glued to the hurt
The same reasons that made us see another day
Are the ones taking us down in every other way…
How do we get out of the loop?

1008052242cpe

The day has come to its end
the night is cold
outside I hear the winds hurling ...

...

And so, here I come
To the end of the yet another journey
I've taken steps in and out
on either side so many a time
that I know the way to the crossings
like the lines on my hand,
forged by the fist
forced to hang on to nought

So now, when I leave
let them not grieve
but in these words believe

There was no beginning nor end
just the eternal flow
that carried me to this place

I've whispered prayers into the winds
one name to the skies,
that into my night,
light should have been.

I've breathed your name
and heard the echoes fade into my soul
I've wished for another way, another day
But all I got back
Was another slack.

I've given in all,
even that what was not mine
believed in the lies, and twisted tales
of the fairy days that should have been mine.

I've walked into the maze, haze
Blinded by by your gaze
Taken oath, body and mind, heart and soul
But it was not the right day
Nor the right time
not the right life

Backstab, backstep
the current flows back
always to the source
tinder cinder
ashes we were, so let me be
Tweak to the peak,
Twitch to the tale
hitch to flow

I've hit the pavement, amen
so so the story ends
of the one who left no friends.

last breath

2211052329

Flashing lights everywhere
people staring, shadows floating
never has the sky been so clear
never has the stale air
been so dear
The last breaths are the best
the last thoughts remain forever
and the last sight die with the beholder

I've seen them go,
stayed with 'em till the end
for nothing I could do would make a difference
and suddely all the wailings and sirens
die in the chill air
and me trying desperately to give a breath,
bitter kiss of life failed me once again.

Never has the cliff been so cruel
never has gravity been so unfair
Gravity kills.

leavin

In reply to June-an : http://junean.blogspot.com , trust no one, almost here... 25feb06

Yet I have always been here
Hidden
All in prose,
Behind your rhymes
Left behind in your shadows
Made by your very light

Yet I thought
I were your light
Ever so light
Never as bright
As you would have wished

And now that you are bleeding
All my colors have faded
And mine is a world
In black and white.

So tonight will never be right
Ever, will never be the beginning
Of an ever ending story

Then when you say you need me,
you heed me,
And the closer I get,
The further I am...
And then it’s almost like
I 've never been
Ever so close
always almost there ...

But you never see me
For a light never sees a shadow
And even before I was gone
I was a but a shadow to your light.
It wasn't right
So the road for me tonight
Is mine for the taking,
and the wish of you,
mine for the making.

Change the world you have
For mine is ever changed.
Levied from the insight,
Heavied from the inside.
and nothing ever is the same
for the sting is under my skin.

But now I must go,
Away, with yet another flow
For the road tonight
Is mine to take
The road tonight, is mine to take...

Do you know me
When the choices I make
And the roads I take
Are the ones less traveled,
Harrowing and ever winding, blinding
Never binding,
Impossible to see
With no reasons ever made possible

Do you know me
when the seas I sail
Quail me beyond my fears
and the rough waters drown me
a little more everyday
in every way.

I know you loved me,
More than I could ever have given back
So I got taken aback
Like a whip made slack
For the closer I got
Never was close enough
So the further away I moved.

I ran as fast as I should
But understand you never would
That catch up I never could.
The closer I got, the further I were.

So that road I stepped unto
It takes me else where I can't undo
The doings of my wrongs
The effects to my cause
And come back I never can
For the bridges we built
We have cut on either end.

So tonight, my heart is tight
For the road is mine to take.
And tomorrow I shall wake
Ever to find you were right.
And from today,
every other morning I shall live see,
will be one of regrets.

But now that I am gone,
the light that shone
ever so bright
In your eyes shall rekindle
And set ablaze
The fury of your mind
For I was
But a shadow in your light.
But a feather to your sight.

Carpe Diem

about madness

...to any coin there is a flipping side,

Hidden and left to be discovered.

And before you go tossing your life around

Here, hear my words…

The flipped side of the coin

It is also madness …

to keep fighting a tide

when all about you has left the waters

and run to the high grounds

to see the very tide you are fighting

Suck you out from where you should be going

madness, to believe in friends who have backstabbed you

So many a times that you are left counting the holes in your heart

and yet welcome them

when they come smiling back to you

with a gun in their hands

cocked and ready to drop lead through same holes

made by the steel of their blunt blades

madness to keep pushing through thorn bushes

to find your rose, all white and pure

awaiting your rise

and the moment you reach for the promised

to see it taken away by the same foes

than once were to be your friends

with the same blunt blades that cut

through the hopes that you were breeding.

Madness to see it all without ever having the wits or guts to react

Madness to keep your smile and sanity and put up against the world

When inside you have burnt yourself with sorrow

And died a thousand times over

And never risen to any skies promised.

Madness to keep your prayers and faith open to the word

when all about you is killing and soiling

for the name same Father and Creator we are both living for.

MADNESS to keep your efforts strained, unstained

For the same purpose

And see it all taken down

By the hands of the same

For whom you would have fought and dwelved and given up your life…

Madness to keep your love for that one and same rose

Whose thorns have cut through and torn you to tatters many a times

Wrecked and wrenched every single breath you have taken

Ever since the first day you laid eyes upon her,

And known that thorns were yours for the keeping

And the rose theirs for the reaping…

It is madness to keep fighting, smiling

When all about you are running for shelter

Madness to face the raging torrents

When all about you are digging for cover, as ever.

Madness to keep living and pushing

When death is the only certitude

That we carry

Every step of the way…

But then

Madness is our savior

It keeps us afloat in the raging waters

Breathing, when our last breath has been broken and soiled

Yielding when all around us has stopped believing

Standing when all about us has dropped to their knees in despair

Striving when the brave hath given up their quest and turned their backs to the battle…

If madness is about striving, serving and not yielding

Searching, pushing on and never faltering

Then madmen we are !

And Blessed be the madness that has made of us

Simple mortals hidden under the cloak of unsung heroes

Simple beggars with the heart of untamed lions.

Fighters with nothing but our bare hands and hearts.

Madness is as ever the beginning of sanity as smoke is to fire

Carpe Diem

0908031316 - dodoland

extract to the Stinger, stringer, side winger

0908031316 - dodoland


I'm cutting the bridge
see you back in dodoland.
piece of sand in the middle of the ocean,
Ocean of tears, ocean of fears
There where your chains await...

Will you learn to break them free this time
and breathe the air of freedom?

Like a breath taken too soon
Like an oath,
broken even before it was made,
Like the call of the wild,
tamed and canned and shelved
In the deepest recess of your heart

The window is open
Will you run, will you flee?
Or will you come back to your chains
And keep pulling to extend your reach of life?

Will you learn to take
More than is given to you
not like a beggar but an owner

Will you learn to breathe
There where your limit stands
then when you are out of breath
out from running away from any reason

Will you learn to fight
Then when the fight is over
even before you would have fired your shot
then when everyone else is backing out

Will you learn to give
Then when there is nothing left to give
But an oath, broken,
Even before it was spelt
Spat out hastily in the midst of a fight

Shot out of your sky you are panting and puffing
Out of breath, Out of faith
Asking yourself
If there are words to be read in between the lines
Eyes straining to see the meaning
There where there is none

You were right,
my heart belongs somewhere else.
It belongs to someone I've met
One day in the midst of my turmoil
One soul that was lost itself and seeking shelter from life
One soul that has crept into my life and made cosy
Rekindling the warmth in me
And now that soul is on the other side of the world,
Other side of the screen reading these very lines,
At this very moment...
Where time and space will freeze for a minute second
And listen to the chaos around
sing in symphony with the chaos inside...
And the blizzard will rise giving birth to a drop,
Tear drop, out of the blue, out of the mind
Rolls down her cheeks and flies through the air
Comes crashing heavily
Heavy from the pain that it conveys
Heavy from the joy it conveys
Not really knowing the meaning of its fall
Yet there is sense to what I write
Essence of my feelings for you
A sense to my living,
essence to my leaving
A direction to my quest.

We'll be walking the beaches,
staring at the horizon
Never hoping that another lies ahead
For I am and remain
The quiverer
Quiverin quiver full of darts
Out of sight
In the dark
Never hoping
Never willing
Yet ever so present
All for the same game
Insane at the blink of a thought
Blind to the mind, blind to the world
I'll be gone even before I ever came.
I was gone even before we ever met.

1901062311 - base

Yet upon thy return
dodoland ceased to be
for burnt to the roots it was
by news that came over the seas
that treason there had been
and reason, none was to be seen.

This was ever
the beginning of the end
as fire was to smoke.

carpe diem

The stingers' dart is under my skin.

starting over

"We can break the cycle - we can break the chain
We can start all over - in the new beginning...
We learn, we teach,
We share the myths,
the dream, the prayer
The notion that we can do better
Change our lives and paths
Create a new world

and

Start all over
Start all over
Start all over
Start all over

We need to make new symbols
Make new signs
Make a new language
With these we'll define the world

and

Start all over
Start all over
Start all over
Start all over ..."

-Tracy Chapman, 'start all over', New Beginning

All these people have one thing in their mind:
get away from this island.
as if to escape an invisible aggressor
they wish to depart
saying there is no opportunity here
looking else where the grass seems greener.

All these people dreaming of a way out
thinking that they will get a better life somewhere else.
Many will find a path to their wishes
most will stay behind,
with a tinge of bitterness growing in their thoughts
for they would not have had what it takes
to get even to the starting point of their journey.

Then there are those who feel good here.
Those who have learnt to take what they have and be content with it.
Those who will adapt and survive and make do with little.